Felecci was my college sweetheart. Dating her was easy. We communicated well, we both enjoyed one another’s sense of humor, and we had major chemistry.
I am finding that my experience with Felecci was the exception, not the rule. I recently thought I was in the beginning stages of what would be a great relationship. I didn’t know how far it would go, but I didn’t see the ending coming.
All of the same signs were there, but this time overnight it went from all systems go to “I don’t want a relationship”. I’m not mad at her, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I just am befuddled that I didn’t see it coming. I was honestly blindsided.
While I was in a relationship before, the previous one I ended. I know why I ended it, and it wasn’t because I went from wanting monogamy to not wanting to be in a relationship overnight. I let someone go because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to be the person she needed and deserved. Rather than drag it on and hurt her more, I came clean as soon as I understood this fact.
Perhaps that is what happened to me? I don’t know. I don’t know if it matters. I wish she didn’t make that decision, but she did and I have to move on. We had a great weekend together, and now it’s over. The sinking feeling in my stomach though took a little while to go away. It really did hit me harder than it should have.
I miss Felecci a little more today. I knew where I stood with her. I miss being comfortable with a person, and perhaps that is what actually hurt here. Maybe I had blinders on? I don’t think I will know for sure till I have some distance.
But I was comfortable, and I was hoping I got more out of this last relationship than I did. They say this is one of the dangerous parts of being a widow/er. The first time someone rejects you, it can hurt more than it should.
I wouldn’t call it hurt so much because the relationship didn’t really get started. But it did catch me off guard.
Dating post-loss can be hard man. At least I hope R. finds what she is looking for. She is a great person, and she deserves to be happy. For that matter, so do I.